I Drove All Night. To Get To You. Is That Alright?

When I drive I sort a lot of the shit that surrounds my family life out in my head. I go through conversations that I know are around the corner and I think about how I'm going to respond to them ahead of time so that I can, at least, remain calm and pleasent.
I haven't been in contact with my family for many months until recently. My dad was taken into hospital for something or other and had half his stomach removed; not a gastric band or stomach bypass; removed. I never fell out with him over all this mess but he and I don't talk a lot, he knows if I'm not in contact it means I'm generally OK and happy. But this worried me.
I'm not gonna lie, as I did think he may pass on at points but we're fighters. As part of this wierd group of people with seperate lives and an underlying uneasy feeling, it would be he and Carlos that I would miss the most, which if you understood where I'm coming from (my family of friends that is) may surprise you. He was the worst kind of father when we were growing up but the years has changed this guy, a lot. Coming out of the family and living anywhere I could, aged 17, I got a new perspective on family dynamics and how ours in particular [dis]functioned.
I saw for the first time how my mum drank and became nasty and manipulative. How my brother was an angry volatile person with everyone and not just his blood. I saw the patience and weariness in my dad's eyes from all this around him and gained an understanding of how fighting in war affected him.
My brother...
He isn't a nice person. There. I've said it. He plays the victim of circumstance and plays the 'my dad screwed up my life card' and yet he was the one who made all the mistakes and he is the one who is becoming worse than the father we had when we grew up. I once tried to write him a letter from the heart, one that said that his impending fatherhood should be taken as a new leaf of his life, a new chance. Drop the anger, forgive and forget or don't forgive, just accept. He tore up the letter and his wife let me know to steer clear for a while. He was angry.
When Carlos was born I thought everything would be fine but now he has a new 'big bad' to use as his bargaining chip. His son.
Speaking to my dad for a record half hour the other day I was informed that my brother is out for me again, apparently I took his Marshall Amp Stack System, despite the fact I haven't seen or heard from him in over a year. So boxing day will be interesting. I'm to go to London to have a BBQ at my dad's with Carlos and my mum and G my Bro's wife. My brother isn't invited but he will know that I'm there. (at this point I'll let you know he lives alone over the road from our folks. His wife and child lives with my folks due to 'anger issues') All the possible conversations are currently working their way into my thoughts and interrupting my dreams. I'm nervous.
I'm going to be fine though